Treating Pornography and Sex Addiction in Relationships: Evidence-Based Tools for Repair

Since the internet’s rise, pornography and sex addiction have become more common, and they’re creating problems in many marriages. Couples frequently arrive in therapy feeling overwhelmed—one partner carrying shame and secrecy, the other carrying hurt, anger, or betrayal. The first step to healing is ending the addiction, but a successful healing process requires more than behavioral change; it requires rebuilding the foundation of connection. Both the Gottman Method and Relational Life Therapy (RLT) offer powerful frameworks for guiding couples through this vulnerable terrain.

From a Gottman perspective, rebuilding trust is a structured, relational process. The Gottman Method emphasizes creating “Attunement”—the ongoing practice of turning toward each other with openness and understanding. In therapy, partners learn how to share the impact of the addictive behavior using soft-startup communication, respond to each other without defensiveness, and create rituals of connection that reintroduce safety back into the relationship. Trust is rebuilt through consistent, transparent behavior—not grand gestures. Over time, couples learn to replace secrecy with shared meaning and partnership.

Relational Life Therapy adds another essential layer: accountability and relational integrity. RLT is direct, honest, and compassionate. It invites the partner struggling with pornography or sexual compulsivity to take full ownership of the harm caused without collapsing into shame or minimizing their behavior. At the same time, the injured partner receives validation for their pain while learning to set healthy boundaries that foster empowerment rather than reactivity. This combination of accountability and compassion creates a climate where real change becomes possible.

Healing from pornography or sex addiction is not about perfection—it’s about transformation. Through ongoing emotional honesty, structured repair conversations, and a clear shared vision for the relationship, couples can move from a cycle of disconnection to one of intimacy and resilience. With the right therapeutic support, partners can learn not only to recover from the wound but to build a connection that feels stronger, more transparent, and more deeply bonded than before.