Helping Couples Heal from Addiction with the Gottman Method
Often my blog posts are inspired by the book I’m reading at the moment. Recently a friend recommended Anna Lembke’s Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence. Lembke is a psychiatrist and the chief of Stanford University’s Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic. The book has me recalling my Gottman Method specialized training on Addiction Recovery, in part because I find understanding addiction is so important to successful treatment, whether for individuals or couples.
Addiction can place tremendous strain on a relationship. When one partner struggles with substance use, both individuals often experience fear, frustration, and disconnection. Trust may erode, communication can break down, and even small misunderstandings can feel overwhelming. Yet, healing is possible — not only for the individual in recovery but also for the relationship. Couples therapy, grounded in the Gottman Method, offers a structured, compassionate framework for rebuilding safety and connection amid the challenges of addiction.
The Gottman Method emphasizes friendship, emotional attunement, and shared meaning as the foundation of a healthy relationship. In therapy, couples learn how to communicate honestly and effectively about sensitive topics like relapse, shame, and boundaries without falling into criticism or defensiveness. Partners practice turning toward one another rather than away — expressing needs and vulnerabilities in ways that foster empathy instead of conflict. This process helps both people begin to feel seen and supported, rather than isolated by the addiction.
For the partner in recovery, Gottman-based therapy can reinforce accountability and encourage openness about progress and setbacks. For the supporting partner, it offers tools to express pain and fear constructively, while learning how to set healthy limits and maintain self-care. Over time, couples develop new rituals of connection — small but meaningful daily practices that nurture closeness and stability. These moments of positive interaction serve as emotional anchors during periods of stress or uncertainty.
Healing from addiction as a couple is not a linear process, but with guidance and intentional effort, trust and intimacy can be restored. Through the Gottman Method, couples are reminded that love and recovery are both ongoing practices — built on understanding, repair, and shared hope for the future. With professional support, it’s possible not only to manage addiction but to transform the relationship into a source of strength, resilience, and renewed connection.